If you’re afraid to be yourself at work, this might help you
perfectionism, getting over yourself, limiting structures & a lesson learned
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A little over a year ago, I was deep in conversation with a friend when they said something that struck me to my core: “It’s not about you. It’s not about me. It’s about us.”
It was almost like I was being called out, like my friend saw right through me. I had spent so much time trying to control how I showed up in the world, thinking that if I could just project the right image, I’d finally be enough. But now here was someone telling me I had it all wrong.
I’d been so consumed by fear of not measuring up, so focused on being "good enough," that I couldn’t embrace the messy, real parts of me. I kept them hidden, convinced that if I just kept going—pretending to have it all together—I could avoid the discomfort. But in that conversation, my friend’s words cut through all that noise. I felt my body relax a little, my chest loosening, as I started to understand: It wasn’t about me at all. It was about creating something real, with room for all of us to be seen as we were. Not in perfect alignment, but in shared purpose.
This is where so many of us get stuck—especially at work. We’ve been taught to put on the perfect facade, to perform in just the right way, to show up as the “ideal employee.” But how many of us are actually creating, truly living, in that space? How many of us are allowing ourselves to build something meaningful with the people around us, instead of just trying to prove our worth?
For years, my mind was stuck in a loop.
Should I ask why I’m doing this task, or will it seem like I’m overstepping?
Should I tell them I stayed late working, or will they think I’m not capable of finishing on time—or worse, that I can’t do my job?
Should I suggest an idea to bring in more customers, or will they dismiss me because I’m in a ‘junior’ role?
These thoughts ran through my mind constantly. It was a game of managing how I was perceived, trying to make sure I didn’t say the wrong thing, make the wrong move, or reveal any weakness. And for what? To stay “good enough”?
While we’re told workplaces are built on collaboration and shared purpose, the reality is often driven by competition, hierarchy, and profits. But now, I’m starting to see work for what it can be: an opportunity to create, to build, to make a real impact, not just for the sake of proving I belong but for the sake of what we’re all making together.
When I stopped obsessing over perception and started focusing on the bigger picture—the team, the mission, the creation—everything shifted.
I once read that alchemists would write in cryptic, mysterious ways so only a select few could decipher the truth. It felt like that in my life—a hidden language, a way of thinking I had never known about. I had been so concerned with the external: how things would look, how others would judge, what was "appropriate." But it wasn’t just limiting—I realized it was robbing me of the joy of creation. I had been focused on how everything would appear, instead of embracing the rawness of the work itself, the connection, the moment.
And that’s the shift that changed everything for me: It’s not about creating the perfect image. It’s about diving into what matters—the real work, the one that’s fueled by connection, authenticity, and the messy beauty of life as it is. I no longer want to hide behind a polished version of myself. I want to create, build, lead, and work alongside people who can see me—flaws, mess, and all—and still choose to build something bigger with me.
That’s where the real magic happens. It’s not about me. It’s not about them. It’s about all of us, stepping into the world, vulnerable but alive, to create something real, something worth sharing.